image of woman experiencing Guilt, Blame and Shame

Guilt, Blame and Shame

Question:

What do all these statements have in common?

  • “Do you know how much shame you have brought on this family?”
  • “You were raised better than this, what happened to you?”
  • “I can’t believe that a child of mine would do the things you have done!”
  • “Don’t you have any respect for yourself? Or for us?”
  • “When we got married, I never believed you would love drugs more than me!”
  • “I am so disappointed in you!”
  • “My mother an alcoholic?  You should know better at your age!”

Answer:

They are all well-meaning attempts to help a loved one see that they are allowing substances and their addiction to control their lives and that the family is suffering.
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Question:

What do all these statements have in common?

  • “Do you know how much shame you have brought on this family?”
  • “You were raised better than this, what happened to you?”
  • “I can’t believe that a child of mine would do the things you have done!”
  • “Don’t you have any respect for yourself? Or for us?”
  • “When we got married, I never believed you would love drugs more than me!”
  • “I am so disappointed in you!”
  • “My mother an alcoholic?  You should know better at your age!”

Answer:

They are all well-meaning attempts to help a loved one see that they are allowing substances and their addiction to control their lives and that the family is suffering.
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Another thing they all have in common is that they point a finger of guilt and shame at the person who is addicted.

image of mature male considering addiction treatmentUnfortunately for them, guilt, blame and shame do not lead toward recovery.  People with an addiction truly do know the pain they are causing others and already feel tremendous guilt.  When they are high with their substance or in withdrawal and need their substance, the person suffering with addiction’s entire focus is on the drug.

One of the most important things someone who has a family member struggling with addiction can remember is that no one wants to be addicted.  No one had a goal to become addicted.  But when addiction happens, the battle for sobriety can be a tough journey.

So, if pointing out to the family member who is addicted what they are doing to the family doesn’t work, what might help?

First, prepare for a conversation you will need to have with your loved one about their addiction.  Research options for the professional treatment they need.  Call treatment centers to find the best fit for your loved one and ask questions.  Not all treatment centers offer the same level of care.  Find out how much time is offered for one-on-one sessions with a professional mental health/substance abuse counselor, how much time is devoted to group sessions, what auxillary treatments are offered that focus on addiction and relapse prevention, what are aftercare options, how can family members help with long-term recovery.

When you feel you have adequate information, offer your loved one a solid treatment plan.  Talk to them when the time is right – not when they are high or in withdrawal.  Stay calm, because they probably won’t.   Speak softly and reassure them of your love for them and how you want to help them overcome addiction.

  1. Be prepared, they may react with anger, but be calm.  They may react with denial, so be calm. Let them know that you are not attacking them or judging them, and that your intention is to help them find their way back to a healthy, happy life.
  2. Be prepared for objections they will most likely voice and have an answer for those objections.  Have a plan in place for the treatment option you think is best.
  3. Once a decision has been made, act quickly.  Avoidance or hesitation can result in people changing their minds and not getting the treatment they need.

Another thing they all have in common is that they point a finger of guilt and shame at the person who is addicted.

image of mature male considering addiction treatmentUnfortunately for them, guilt, blame and shame do not lead toward recovery.  People with an addiction truly do know the pain they are causing others and already feel tremendous guilt.  When they are high with their substance or in withdrawal and need their substance, the person suffering with addiction’s entire focus is on the drug.

One of the most important things someone who has a family member struggling with addiction can remember is that no one wants to be addicted.  No one had a goal to become addicted.  But when addiction happens, the battle for sobriety can be a tough journey.

So, if pointing out to the family member who is addicted what they are doing to the family doesn’t work, what might help?

First, prepare for a conversation you will need to have with your loved one about their addiction.  Research options for the professional treatment they need.  Call treatment centers to find the best fit for your loved one and ask questions.  Not all treatment centers offer the same level of care.  Find out how much time is offered for one-on-one sessions with a professional mental health/substance abuse counselor, how much time is devoted to group sessions, what auxillary treatments are offered that focus on addiction and relapse prevention, what are aftercare options, how can family members help with long-term recovery.

When you feel you have adequate information, offer your loved one a solid treatment plan.  Talk to them when the time is right – not when they are high or in withdrawal.  Stay calm, because they probably won’t.   Speak softly and reassure them of your love for them and how you want to help them overcome addiction.

  1. Be prepared, they may react with anger, but be calm.  They may react with denial, so be calm. Let them know that you are not attacking them or judging them, and that your intention is to help them find their way back to a healthy, happy life.
  2. Be prepared for objections they will most likely voice and have an answer for those objections.  Have a plan in place for the treatment option you think is best.
  3. Once a decision has been made, act quickly.  Avoidance or hesitation can result in people changing their minds and not getting the treatment they need.

The front of Gulf Breeze Recovery a non 12 step holistic drug and alcohol rehab specializing in helping guests overcome chronic relapse

About Gulf Breeze Recovery:

Gulf Breeze Recovery, unlike other treatment centers in Florida, is a non 12 step holistic drug and alcohol rehab that is changing the future of addiction treatment with their THRIVE® (Total Health Recovery) program focused on overcoming chronic relapse.
Gulf Breeze Recovery’s THRIVE® program is a non 12-step approach designed for those who are looking for a drug and alcohol treatment program to produce a different and positive result.
This non-12 step program allows you to drive beyond your addictions and promotes a new outlook on life.
We are licensed by the Florida Department of Children and Families, and our last audit scored 99.7! Also, we are gold certified by the Joint Commission.

Accreditation you can trust!

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Program logo: Gulf Breeze Recovery offers a true non-12-Step, holistic drug treatment program with licensed mental health professionals who have small caseloads so that they can offer individualized and intensive care and it's called THRIVE®

End Chronic Relapse and Start a New Life!

At Gulf Breeze Recovery we don’t want you to have just a great recovery, we want you to have a great life!

Contact Us, or Call: (855) 433-4480

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