Here’s Some Helpful Advice For Identifying and Letting Go of Insecurities.
If you have read “The Serenity Principle”, then you are familiar with the concept that insecurity is the state of mind that leads to addiction. With a newfound understanding, people can recognize, create awareness, understand and overcome the effects of insecurity, which would, in turn, enable them to let go of the addiction.
Although it is counterproductive to dwell on insecurities, understanding them and realizing that they are not “who you are” is critical to letting them go. Everyone has vulnerabilities that they are not consciously aware and it doesn’t take psychotherapy to be able to identify them. People already have the ability to discern their vulnerabilities and insecurities. The real trick is to be honest and genuine enough with yourself and others to actually “see” the insecurities for what they really are and to raise your level of understanding concerning the subsequent behaviors associated with them.
I used to often, and even occasionally now, get upset and snappy with my husband for making a comment about the dirty dishes in the sink, the toys all over the floor, etc. I know I cannot change how he feels about these situations. I also understand that I cannot change what he says. I can, however, identify that I am feeling frustrated, which causes me to dig a little deeper and think, “how come?” The short answer is fear. I often fear not being that perfect wife or mother, or I fear that others may be thinking the same thing when they come to our home. Once I am able to identify that fear or insecurity, I am better able to remind myself of the fact that I am enough and that a messy house doesn’t change my worth. Once I am in that more serene state of mind, I am more capable of having a productive conversation with my husband about the situation. In many cases, I have found that the comment wasn’t even directed at me and that I was getting offended over an assumed intention.
In this situation, I used my reflective moment as a way to “bond with” and “trust” my inner self. Once I took that opportunity to think of my negative emotions as a way to learn something about myself and my thinking, I felt empowered to understand that I don’t have to constantly feel that way. Having a higher level of understanding concerning my insecurities helps me to have more meaningful conversations with my husband about his comments.
Allowing feelings and the thoughts associated with those feelings to pass is often the part that gets lost in the cycle of addiction and stress. When people truly understand their insecurities and realize that they do not need to dwell on the “why” and act as a victim to it, they start acting in a higher state of awareness. Bailey suggests that acceptance of ourselves is the only real way to let go. If we can first accept that we reacted in some way, we can then move onto the step of gaining insight into the situation. This insight then leads to feelings of tranquility, security, peace of mind, etc. Ultimately, we reach serenity and the freedom to choose. What an empowering concept!
At the end of it all, it comes down to this: we have that power within us all, we are worthy, and we all have the ability to enjoy life.
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